mardi 25 février 2014

I said "I'll love you forever", he replied "I believe that"

Love hurts. I don't know if that's the case for everyone but it is for me. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now, which doesn't seem that long when you think about it. But two years are definitely long enough to make you fall in love deeply with someone and I do love him profoundly and devotedly. Now, I have no doubt that he loves me back but as a man, his way of showing it sometimes lacks of subtlety. 

A couple of days ago, we were talking about future and random things when the topic eventually changed to wedding. His parents are divorced and this is something that truly upset him, even nowadays, 10 years after it happened. Their divorce has such a big impact on him that he doesn't believe in marriage anymore and doesn't see the point in it, which is understandable. But I do see the point and I really want it to happen one day. I do want to be his wife and change my name to his. Call me old-fashioned, but I want him to see me in a white dress and hear him say I do. 

Which brings me back to the conversation we were having and when I tried to explain to him that every person was different and it was up to us to make it work, he didn't seem that convinced. Obviously, this is not something that we can change overnight but it is very painful when you, then, say that you will love him forever, and his answer is a simple "I believe that". Slap me in the face and spit on me if you like, my ego and heart would have been less hurt by that. He did try to save it by saying he loved me a lot, but I just couldn't forget the fact that he wasn't able to tell me the same, that he wasn't sure if he would love me forever.

I'm scared of this constant threat that he might just stop loving me one day, that he just won't find me funny and interesting anymore, that he will want his freedom back and not have to worry about someone else but himself. I can't see my future without him and according to him, he doesn't his without me either but he can't tell me that he will love me forever. 
Love hurts, and I don't know if this is how it's meant to be. Does that make me stupid to hope that he will want me to be his wife one day? Does that make me an idiot to hope that he wishes for us to be forever together. 

mercredi 19 février 2014

Oh, that need to write again...

I am back on this blog, and hopefully this time I will manage to be more consistent. Having said that, those past few months have been quite eventful for me, so much that there was just no way for me to sit down and write posts on here.

I spent loads of time working and focusing on working extra hard to get noticed by my management and I believe it worked out pretty well as I got a promotion. Even though it's not a dream job, I got promoted to Supervisor. Which implied a training and extra hours at work to get around everything I needed to learn.
Then Christmas came and it was like a super duper mad time. I work in Malmaison Reading hotel, in which we have a wonderful bar and brasserie so obviously, it got very busy with all the Christmas parties. It was tough and there were days where I was working from 7am to 10pm but it was all worth it as I also got an award from the company for my hard work. This was so rewarding and seriously encouraged me to carry on working hard.

Fortunately, this madness eventually ended and I got to go back home in France. Icing on the cake, my boyfriend came with me to spend Christmas with me and my family. That was the first time he was coming in France with me and therefore, the first time he met my family. I'm not sure he enjoyed it too much when he ended up in a room with my 8 uncles and aunties, along with my 10 cousins. This was especially hard for him as he can't communicate with them at all, he doesn't speak French and never learnt. I have tried to teach him a little but he quickly gave up. Which isn't very promising for a future living in France. If anything, I think it comforted him in the fact he was better off staying in the UK, but we'll see about that in due time.

We have a dog! I told you that in a previous post, but since then it actually happened and we are now the proud owners of a fluffy Golden Retriever puppy. It's been hard work. In fact, it's been extremely hard work but that's what puppies are. There was no way things were gonna be easy. But he is learning a lot and training is going well. I probably will write a lot about him because my life seems to revolve around him. He's a baby after all, he requires a lot of attention and time, but I'm more than happy to as I love him to bits. Oh and by the way, his name is Woody.