Oh no, I am homesick...

Here it is again, that horrible feeling. I am homesick. 

For those who don't know it, I am French and have been living/working in the UK for about 3 years. Now, I never really used to be homesick but since last year, it keeps hitting me very badly and quite regularly. Thankfully enough, I have my lovely boyfriend and my beautiful dog here for me but there are things that I miss desperately.

My cousins, my sister and myself a very long time ago.

I miss my family so bad that it hurts sometimes. You would think that Facebook is a tool to make things easier but it actually makes it even harder for me as I keep seeing photos of my family gathering together and I am here, 700km away, missing absolutely everything. 

Our family has always been very close, especially my cousins and I. We all grew up together in the same small French village, which brought us very close. In fact, I see one of them almost as my brother. We have spent so much time together that it was very strange when I first moved to the UK, but I eventually got used to it. Obviously, we've all grown a lot since the time we used to build tree houses in the woods or go to our grandparents house to nick some strawberries from the garden and we've all started to build our own families but there is this bond between us that keeps getting stronger and stronger as time goes on. 

Gathered for our grandparents 60th anniversary!

To be fair, it is all my fault. I probably should have never left my village in the first place but then, I would have never met my boyfriend and lived all of these cool experiences. It was such a satisfying thing to do, get out of my countryside to live a little, discover new things, new cultures… 

But now, I just wanna go back to my peaceful village in the eastern French countryside and build my life and family there.

Lil' Sister

I don't know if it will ever be possible. My boyfriend can't speak French and really struggles to learn it, so it seems very unlikely that he could find a job over there. He has his own family and friends here in the UK, so it would also be not right if I asked him to leave them all to follow me in France. 

People don't realise how much I wish we could have a life back there. Things are so much easier, so much more quiet and peaceful. There is no drama, just a nice and simple family life. We could build our house there, have children (another thing that is currently a lot on my mind), have more dogs, enjoy the nice weather, have a swimming pool in the garden for the children, go and visit my parents every weekend instead of twice a year. I want my mother to see her grandchildren growing up.

This is my dream. This is all I want. Is it too much? 

Puppy is growing fast!

8 weeks old

9 weeks old

10 weeks old

12 weeks old

13 weeks old

14 weeks old

15 weeks old

17 weeks old

A weekend in Devon

I am very lucky to have a boyfriend who owns a small family cottage in Devon. During the year, the cottage is for rent to anyone who wishes to have a break in the area, but when it's available, we always try to make the most of it by coming whenever it's possible. 

Funny fact is : this is where my boyfriend took me for our second date. No need to say that at first, I was terrified by the idea of staying in this family cottage when I barely knew him. But eventually, he managed to convince me to go with him as there also was a meteor shower occurring on that weekend.

Obviously I will never regret saying yes to that weekend because two years later, I am back in the cottage with the man I love more than ever and our adorable puppy. 

Anyway, Devon is such an amazing place if you're looking for somewhere calm and resting. The cottage is in North Devon so we normally go to Bude where you can go on very nice walks on the beach. This is great because most of the beaches are dog friendly so we got to enjoy it with Woody. And he LOVED the sea. It was also funny as he got surprised by a couple of big waves and he refused to go back in the water after that. 

On the other hand, if you're a city person, you may find Devon a bit boring as you always struggle to find signal on your phone, everything is miles apart and it's all about living in the quiet countryside and go on long walks or work in your garden. 

I've grown up in a place like that, the only difference was the small bakery in my village. But apart from that, I know perfectly what living in the countryside is like and I used to hate it. Actually no, that's a lie. I used to love it as a child, then hated it as a teenager. Which was one of the reason I left it and moved to the UK at 17years old. But now, I'm 24 and this is definitely a lifestyle that inspires me again. I apparently give the impression of being a city girl, but I'm really not anymore. I'm looking forward to quiet days in a calm and big house with massive garden, surrounded by the woods and endless fields. This is not for everyone and to be fair, I was convinced for a long time it wasn't for me either, but today this is all I want. 

Either way, if you ever get the chance to go to Devon, I strongly advise you to visit Bude. It's a great little town, with many beaches. By Sainsbury's, there is one long and beautiful beach that you will love. Car park is only 50p/hour. You also have the possibility of going up the hill where you will find a beautiful café and cliffs to walk on.

I said "I'll love you forever", he replied "I believe that"

Love hurts. I don't know if that's the case for everyone but it is for me. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now, which doesn't seem that long when you think about it. But two years are definitely long enough to make you fall in love deeply with someone and I do love him profoundly and devotedly. Now, I have no doubt that he loves me back but as a man, his way of showing it sometimes lacks of subtlety. 

A couple of days ago, we were talking about future and random things when the topic eventually changed to wedding. His parents are divorced and this is something that truly upset him, even nowadays, 10 years after it happened. Their divorce has such a big impact on him that he doesn't believe in marriage anymore and doesn't see the point in it, which is understandable. But I do see the point and I really want it to happen one day. I do want to be his wife and change my name to his. Call me old-fashioned, but I want him to see me in a white dress and hear him say I do. 

Which brings me back to the conversation we were having and when I tried to explain to him that every person was different and it was up to us to make it work, he didn't seem that convinced. Obviously, this is not something that we can change overnight but it is very painful when you, then, say that you will love him forever, and his answer is a simple "I believe that". Slap me in the face and spit on me if you like, my ego and heart would have been less hurt by that. He did try to save it by saying he loved me a lot, but I just couldn't forget the fact that he wasn't able to tell me the same, that he wasn't sure if he would love me forever.

I'm scared of this constant threat that he might just stop loving me one day, that he just won't find me funny and interesting anymore, that he will want his freedom back and not have to worry about someone else but himself. I can't see my future without him and according to him, he doesn't his without me either but he can't tell me that he will love me forever. 

Love hurts, and I don't know if this is how it's meant to be. Does that make me stupid to hope that he will want me to be his wife one day? Does that make me an idiot to hope that he wishes for us to be forever together. 

Oh, that need to write again...

I am back on this blog, and hopefully this time I will manage to be more consistent. Having said that, those past few months have been quite eventful for me, so much that there was just no way for me to sit down and write posts on here.

JOB

I spent loads of time working and focusing on working extra hard to get noticed by my management and I believe it worked out pretty well as I got a promotion. Even though it's not a dream job, I got promoted to Supervisor. Which implied a training and extra hours at work to get around everything I needed to learn.

Then Christmas came and it was like a super duper mad time. I work in Malmaison Reading hotel, in which we have a wonderful bar and brasserie so obviously, it got very busy with all the Christmas parties. It was tough and there were days where I was working from 7am to 10pm but it was all worth it as I also got an award from the company for my hard work. This was so rewarding and seriously encouraged me to carry on working hard.

CHRISTMAS

Fortunately, this madness eventually ended and I got to go back home in France. Icing on the cake, my boyfriend came with me to spend Christmas with me and my family. That was the first time he was coming in France with me and therefore, the first time he met my family. I'm not sure he enjoyed it too much when he ended up in a room with my 8 uncles and aunties, along with my 10 cousins. This was especially hard for him as he can't communicate with them at all, he doesn't speak French and never learnt. I have tried to teach him a little but he quickly gave up. Which isn't very promising for a future living in France. If anything, I think it comforted him in the fact he was better off staying in the UK, but we'll see about that in due time.

DOG

We have a dog! I told you that in a previous post, but since then it actually happened and we are now the proud owners of a fluffy Golden Retriever puppy. It's been hard work. In fact, it's been extremely hard work but that's what puppies are. There was no way things were gonna be easy. But he is learning a lot and training is going well. I probably will write a lot about him because my life seems to revolve around him. He's a baby after all, he requires a lot of attention and time, but I'm more than happy to as I love him to bits. Oh and by the way, his name is Woody. 

Selling your stuff on eBay

As I was telling you in my last post, my boyfriend and I are currently going through hard financial times as he just lost his job and I've just spent two months in a row not working. Fortunately enough, we aren't to the point that we can't afford food, or anything like that, but it definitely isn't easy as we need to buy a car in about two weeks.

So I had to make some decisions to find money and the hardest for me was to sell my stuff. I started with my collection of CDs. I know it probably sounds childish, but this was a very hard decision to make because the collection was dear to me. So this is how I sold my 300 CDs to MusicMagpie and I am now carrying on selling stuff on eBay.

I had never sold anything before on eBay, so this was completely new for me. I can't explain how happy I was when I realised the process was very easy. It has a lot of advantages, but I did find some bad points to it.

Bad points : 

• Fees. Although that sounds pretty fair to pay fees to be able to sell your stuff on their website, it's already annoying to know you're selling it for peanuts, but it is even more when a part of the money is going to eBay and Paypal.
• Buyers who take ages to pay. Although most buyers are serious and pay almost straight away, some others are really not bothered about paying. And obviously, that freezes the whole process since you can dispatch the item until it's paid. 
• You can't always sell internationally. For me, as a French person living in the UK, I found it pretty annoying that I couldn't sell my stuff in the UK because my eBay account was set in France. You need to have a minimum of sales within your country to be able to start selling abroad. Which I found very inconvenient as a lot of my stuff is French and would interest French buyers only (DVDs for example).

Good points :

• Easy. As I said, it's very easy to use and it's extremely convenient. You just fill in your advert, which you can do from any device (laptop, iPad, iPhone, anything that has internet basically) and you publish. Done! Altogether, it takes you about 5 minutes to post your ad, which is amazing.
• Once your item is sold, it's very quick and easy to post. When the buyer has paid you, you get a notification telling you it's done, and you have access to the buyer's address. All you need to do is dispatch the item and confirm it's done.
• Feedbacks. I love feedbacks, I like the fact that someone can tell whether you're a good seller or not. I personally base myself a lot on feedbacks when I buy something online. So that's why I find it important to be able to give and receive feedbacks. eBay let me do this, as a buyer and a seller, which is great as you can feedback someone who has never paid you or on the contrary, has been a great buyer.
• Sort your stuff. Although it is a bit heartbreaking for some items, at the end of the day it allows you to sort your stuff out. I had some many things which I was never using and were just standing in a corner gathering dust, so it's quite nice to get rid of them. I got to sell some clothes for example, which made space in my wardrobe.

I've been a bad blogger

I've been a bad blogger over the past couple of weeks, I just got completely overwhelmed with my new job, a quick return journey to France, old flatmates coming back in the UK to visit and my boyfriend loosing his job.

So far, my new job is going pretty well and it has been a very intense week for us. It is a brand new Starbucks store so we had to get everything ready for the opening and also find some time to deal with all the promotion and sampling to attract new customers. But altogether, it was pretty fun and very interesting to see the process of opening a coffee store. Plus, I really enjoy learning everything and being a barista is a proper art, not just a job.

I also had to bring my car back in France, which wasn't easy because I love my car. But it's a French car, and I could no longer insure it in the UK. This was a bit of a last minute thing as well, so I had to book some time off work and fortunately enough, my manager accepted. The good thing is that it allowed me to spend some days with my mother and sister, which was very nice as I don't see them very often in the year. It's terrible how I miss them. But I'm finally in a good place, in which I feel ok with the fact that I chose to move to a different country. But anyway, it was a long drive but hopefully I won't have to do it again for some time. 

Now. Let's go back to the subject.

I can't believe I let so much time since I last blogged. Life can be so hectic sometimes that I forgot how easy it is to get overwhelmed by things.

I feel like I don't have a proper routine yet and it gets difficult to balance work and personal life. It was especially hard when my boyfriend came back from work on monday and announced he got fired. Not the best time for this.

It wasn't his fault of course, and I supported him as soon as he told me. But at times when we're meant to buy a car and we had finally agreed on taking a dog, it definitely took us off-guard. Hopefully, things will sort themselves out and we can go back to our old quiet and happy life.

________________

FRANCAIS

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J'ai été une mauvaise blogueuse ces deux dernières semaines. Je me suis complètement laissée submerger par mon nouveau travail, un retour éclair en France, mes anciens colocataires qui sont venus me rendre visite en Angleterre et mon Jules qui a perdu son travail.

Jusqu'ici, mon nouveau travail se passe bien et cela a été une semaine vraiment intense pour nous. Il s'agit d'un tout nouveau café Starbucks donc on a dû travailler dur pour s'assurer que tout était prêt pour l'ouverture, sans oublier que nous devions aussi gérer toute la promotion pour attirer de nouveaux clients. Mais dans l'ensemble, c'était assez amusant et très intéressant de voir le processus derrière l'ouverture d'un café. En plus, j'adore apprendre tout sur le café et ça m'a fait réaliser qu'être barista est un art, pas seulement un job.

J'ai aussi dû ramener ma voiture en France, ce qui n'a pas été facile car j'adore ma voiture. Mais c'est une voiture française et je ne pouvais plus l'assurer en Angleterre. Tout ça est tombé un peu à la dernière minute, du coup j'ai dû prendre des jours de congé au boulot et heureusement, mon manager a accepté. L'avantage est que j'ai pu passer quelques jours avec ma mère et ma soeur, ce qui était vraiment sympa puisque je ne les vois pas souvent dans l'année. C'est incroyable comme elles me manquent. Mais au moins, je suis finalement OK avec le fait que j'ai décidé de déménager dans un autre pays et que je dois désormais y rester. Bref, j'avais donc une longue route à faire mais normalement, je n'aurais plus à la conduire avant un bout de temps.

Bref. Revenons à nos moutons.

J'ai du mal à croire que j'ai laissé passer autant de temps depuis mon dernier post. La vie devient parfois tellement mouvementée que j'en ai presque oublié à quel point il est facile de se laisser submerger par tout ça.

J'ai le sentiment de ne pas avoir de routine du tout et ça complique beaucoup les choses car je n'arrive pas à trouver un équilibre entre travail et vie personnelle. Cela n'a pas non plus arrangé les choses quand mon Jules est rentré du travail lundi dernier et m'a annoncé qu'il s'était fait virer. Pas au meilleur moment, j'ajouterai...

Ce n'était pas sa faute évidemment et je l'ai soutenu à la seconde même où il me l'a annoncé. Mais quand on sait que l'on est bientôt censé acheter une voiture et que l'on était enfin décidés à adopter un chien, tout ça nous a vraiment pris de court et va nous ralentir dans nos projets. Espérons que les choses s'arrangeront d'elles-mêmes et que l'on pourra vite retourner à notre train de vie tranquille et heureux.